Confession. Can I shock you a bit?
Eighty percent of what I have today came from anger.
A butterfly passed along my way and I was angry.
A dog barked and I was angry.
The doorbell rang and I was angry.
The only thing that did not make me angry was my breathing.
In short, I was angry because the idealistic part of me was not in conformity to what was happening around me.
I wanted a green apple, I got a star apple.
Talk about anything and I’ll find a way to sneak in to the conversation what I hated in life.
I was very good at that.
I discovered that anger can be a PROPELLER to pursue your goals, but if you let it stay for awhile, it’ll morph to a POISON.
Anger destroyed me.
Anger can destroy you, too.
When you’re angry, admit that you’re angry. Feel it. Live it.
But make sure you brush it off from your mind before the sunset.
The problem was, I got comfortable with it.
So instead of flicking anger away, I let it stay in my mind and in my heart.
I was so attached to it.
Because of that attachment to anger, it gave birth to these:
longing for loneliness
My relationship with my wife wasn’t the ideal relationship I originally dreamed of.
My relationship with my son was so shallow.
My relationship with extended families was just so-so semi-okay (if there’s such a word).
My relationship with my God was broken.
Last month, I was in my room (one of the rooms in the house is allotted as my home-office).
I was listening to worship songs.
I began to ask myself:
[quote align=”center” color=”#999999″]Why do I cry (or at least feel like crying) every time I hear a song, hear a story or watch a movie that has an emotional attachment to me?[/quote]
That was one of the most beautiful moments in my life.
At that precise moment, I felt God was telling me:
[quote align=”center” color=”#999999″]Son, you’ve been carrying that anger for more than two decades already. I did not design your body, mind and heart to carry anger for so long. You think you’ve already climbed hyperions (highest trees in the world) but all the while you’ve been only climbing tomato plants. You think you’ve been leaping from mountain top to mountain when all you’ve been stepping onto are only ant hills. Son, anger is pulling you down. Don’t settle with shrubs and knee-height hills. My love will push you up. Do you want to climb towering trees and humongous montains? Try my love. Fill your love tank with My love. I am faithful to my promise. I will bring you from glory to glory.[/quote]
Had you seen me that very moment, you would have thought I was trying to steal the Best Actor award from Robin Padilla (local actor).
Well, forget about the looks though; focus on the drama (hehe).
Kidding aside, I marinated myself at that very moment with that thought (of God speaking to me).
The next thing I know I was standing up, raising both hands. The worship song was still playing at the background so loud.
I sighed. I blurted it out to myself, “Lord, I surrender. Remove all the anger in my heart, in my mind and in my totality. Fill my love tank with your Grace.”
I cried. I sobbed. I wept.
My hands were still raised up high until I felt the numbness.
That was the loveliest surrender I have ever done in my life.
I admit, I have no words to explain the technicalities of what happened at that moment.
I do not know how that thought changed my heart.
But this I know: God is more than enough. The real win in life starts when you surrender to God.
Everyday, I play worship songs in my work room.
I became more patient, more loving, more understanding.
I have learned how to hold my tongue when I’m at the edge of blowing my top.
I have learned how to revise an angry email before sending it.
My business prospers.
My financial investment grows.
My relationship with my wife, son, parents, siblings, in-laws and employees is better than before.
It’s not yet perfect but I’m a work-in-progress.
God has delivered me from anger.
I was carrying that anger for years.
This spiritual conversion that happened to me in my work room happened a few months ago.
The shallow successes I won over the past few years due to anger are no match to the unbounded blessings I have gained from the genuine love and pure mercy of God. One day will come that 100 percent of what I have comes from love.
Friend, are you treasuring an anger in your heart right now?
I want you to remember that anger is a poison.
Guess who’s the nearest to this poison when you keep it in your heart?
It’s not the other person you’re angry with but you.
Anger will only destroy you and not the other person.
Friend, I have discovered one thing.
Anger pushes you towards your dreams.
But love pulls you beyond your dreams and makes you an inspiration for others to reach their dreams for themselves and for others.
Let go. Let God.
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